Okay, so yeah, as almost everyone knows, I’ve spent the last three weeks in rehab. The stigma that surrounds my experience is colossal, but that only gives me that much more of a reason to be honest.
I’m a changed man.
I’ve never felt more stable.
I’ve never felt more free.
I’ve never loved myself until now and let me tell you, it feels a whole lot better than hating myself.
I feel as if I’ve finally arrived – today is a Donaven Day, marking 5 months since I’ve turned 20 and my life is worth celebrating. I’ve grown immensely since July 14th of this year, but I’ve also been through quite a lot. Did I think that I’d end up in rehab, where I battled bipolar/depression, alcoholism, emotional dependency, and an eating disorder?
I’m taking medication,
I’ve discovered that I am in control of what I put in my body,
I’ve learned that I don’t need other people to validate my worth,
I understand the importance of self-care,
I’ve committed to eating until I’m satisfied at least three times a day,
and I’ve let the past be the past – it burdens me no longer and I will not feel like a burden any longer.
Since I’ve finally come to a place where I value myself, I’m taking care of my soul by eating well, going to the gym, remaining med-compliant, attending therapy sessions, rebuilding burnt bridges, and remaining sober.
Let us not forget that I’m human, though.
I might mess up and I’ll more than likely have bad days. But, you know what? I’m alright with that, because I’m confident in who the Lord has called me to be and I refuse, with every bone in my body, to stray away from that.
I don’t regret going to Cedar Springs. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. However, I have regretted most of my choices over the course of these past few months. With that said, I’ve let that regret go and accepted the consequences, because the only things that regret can breed are guilt and shame and ain’t nobody got time for that.
To you, the reader, know that I appreciate and love you more than I can express. I have been blessed with infinite handfuls of friends all around the world who have me feeling nothing short of beloved.
Moving forward, I’ll do my best to be a better son, grandson, brother, nephew, cousin, friend, and child of God.
P.S. I wrote a lot of music while I was in rehab and fortunately, I know the right people and I’m working on an EP containing 13 of those songs. We’re working hard on producing a quality collection of acoustic tracks, so be on the lookout for more on that!
Things I love right now:
- Myself (not in a prideful, narcissistic way, but in a way that allows me to look in the mirror and be pleased with what I see, inside and out).
- “25,” Adele (even though I haven’t listened to it yet, I know I’ll fall in love).
- The Olive Garden (because they just hired me).
- This workout.
- The smell before it snows.
- This haiku I wrote:
I know what is true:
I am beloved, defined
by heaven’s Ruler.